27 February 2017

I am in my worst mood today. Today I worked and it has been 2 months since I last worked, many things changes. I am not used to it and i have forgotten many. So I felt useless as I made a lot of mistakes and I felt that I am not needed there. It seems like they do not need me to work there, I am just extra. When they really need help, I couldn't help them, I feel helpless and a burden to them. Others who started later or same period as me could do much more but I can't.

I wanted to be skilled like others but i have no idea how.

Should i just quit, it really makes me feel worthless, incapable. Or should I just be thick-skin and continue it, ignore my emotions and continue.

25 February 2017

25 February 2017

Yesterday was my last final paper as well as my last day as a year 1 student. Time surely flies. Just one year ago, I was worried, stress and anxious about my new journey, meeting new people and experiencing a new experience. Whether I will be able to fit in. I know that yesterday was my last day as year 1 but I did not feel any different maybe because my mind was only thinking and focusing about my exam. But yesterday, it hit me. "Ahh, today is my last day as year 1, today is my last day with my beautiful year 1 class." After this holiday, when school starts, I might not be in the same class as my classmates now. I might not see them in the same classroom anymore and might be seeing new faces. How am I going to make friends with others and how much will I miss my current class? I am an introvert, I do not like to talk much neither am I good at making new friends. I really enjoyed my year 1 and I will miss my times with my current class. Thank you everyone who played a part in my year 1 memories. 

And yesterday my brother took his Alevel result and he scored damn good. I am happy for him and at the same time my self-esteem dropped. Having a smart, intelligent siblings have pros and cons. One of the cons is that it affect our self-esteem. All the relatives will place their attention on him and treat me as if I don't exist. I don't mind because I am used to it and I do not have the pressure coming from them, asking which course you want to go to, I suggest you to go this course and blah blah blah. I am proud of him that he did absolutely well so I can sort of "show off" to my friends and my relatives too. Giving the relatives that I do not like a slap in their face.

Well, holidays is here and it is the time for me to enjoy and of course start working. 

22 February 2017

Another paper down, and the subject is Economics. It is consider as the most difficult and most people find economic increasingly onerous. Maybe it because it is a new subject to us. Finally it is over!!

We were given 2 hours to complete the paper, and it is a subject need to write a lot and explain. There is a 10 marks question about Inflation and monetary policy. Initially, I interpret the question correctly but maybe because I am nervous so I felt that my initial answers is wrong. Thus, I change my answers and I misinterpret the question. After reading it once more, I realised I was wrong so I changed it back to my initial answers. That was when the teacher said " 1 hour left" An hour left and I am still left with many questions that require me to explain and not only that, there are other questions that are incomplete. I thought that I will not finish the paper on time and I was anxious then. As I have to write plenty of words, my hand became stiff and it hurts, so I could not write fast even though I want to. At that point of time, I wanted to give up and stop doing it but I know I can't because it is an important exam.

Luckily, I completed the paper even though I am not sure whether I am right but at least I tried.

And just now when I was on the way back after dinner, an adorable baby boy suddenly ran towards me and hugged my leg ☺😊. For the first time a boy ran towards me and hugged me, even though he is a baby. It made my day!! He may be a little cute baby who doesn't know anything, he just purely come towards me and hugged me. Maybe I have a good aura(?) 😅😁

Well, I did not update yesterday because nothing much interesting happened, I just stayed at home to study for economics. To be honest, I don't know how long will I keep updating this blog because I am the type who are determine or motivated at the start and gradually I will lose interest in it. I tried to keep a dairy before but I failed to. It only lasted for a few days 😅

20 February 2017

20 February 2017

Today is my first final paper. Even though 1 paper down but I felt that I did not do well. While I was doing the paper, I have confidence that I might do well but after hearing others comparing their answers, my confidence level fall. This is the only subject that I have confidence in but I guess not now. 

To be honest, I do not like to compare or share my answers with others after exam. Because I fear that our answers are different and it will makes me depressed. Why not just wait for the result to come out instead of comparing answers that are not 100% reliable or correct and makes you feel dejected or dispirited. Ignorance is Bliss. I rather be ignorant than feeling demoralize. We can't turn back the time and changed the answers anyway so might as well just forget about it and move on and study for the remaining papers.

Anyway, 1 PAPER DOWN !! 

19 February 2017

19 February 2017

Tomorrow is the start of my finals and it will last until 24 Feb Friday. I can't wait for it to end but at the same time I will miss my freshie life. Time really flies, I still remember the first day of school and now after this finals, after the holidays will be the start of new year. 

Basically, today I revised and studies for my exams but ironically, I studied the subjects that will be tested on Wednesday and Friday instead of the subject that will be tested tomorrow. Tbh, i know that this semester my grade will not be that good so I am very concern about my GPA. T.T 

I ate my favourite ice-cream today. Not the one in the supermarket, mama shop neither it is from the popular ice-cream brand but the $1 ice cream from ice-cream uncle. I love those ice-cream the most. It contains my childhood and many memories such as pestering my parent to buy.

The photo above is my favourite $1 ice cream. The ice cream uncle used to sell peanut flavour but he don't sell it anymore :(

I hope that in the future there will still be people selling the $1 ice cream as there are lesser and lesser people are willing to ride in the motorcycle and goes from places to places to sell the ice cream. I wish that this occupation will not extinct.

  

Red Velvet

(SMTOWN,2017)

Nowadays I have been into Red Velvet new song, Rookie. I used to not like them but now I really really love their concept. Unique concepts are my style. When I first heard their new song, Rookie, I do not like it but as times passed by and I kept on playing the song, I am hooked. Their song is catchy and I found myself humming to their songs without my knowing. Red Velvet songs have this sort of power of making people to get hooked to their songs. Not only Rookie but also their previous songs such as Russian Roulette and Dumb Dumb. I wish they will release more of those concept type of songs.

But first, I need f(x) comeback!!! T.T 

18 February 2017

18 February 2017 

Today is the first day of my blog, i will share about daily life or stories here. As you can see from my blog title I am a homebody who likes to stay at home and not the type who goes out often. I stay at home to watch Korean drama, YouTube, TV or maybe just lying down in my bed and stare at the ceiling and thinks about my life. I am a Kpop fan. I love watching Korean drama and variety shows such as knowing brothers, Running Man, Infinite challenge. Currently I am watching Tomorrow with You and just finished watching Reply 1997 and I loved it. 

Today is just like any other day. I stayed at home and watch my drama. I have been studying as finals are just around the corner which is on Monday. In the evening, my parent has a fight again because of my paternal grandmother. I rarely see my parent fight in the past but after my paternal grandmother move in with us, they start to fight a lot. As people get older, their memory start to get worse, their minds are not as actively as before and tends to say things that they don't mean it. So my grandma said something about my mum, accusing her which cause my mum to be upset and angry. My grandma has 8 children, she has been staying with us for 7 years and at my aunt house. Even though she has 8 children but she don't stay at their house but only my and my aunt house. Which I felt that it is unfair. Shouldn't other children take responsibility by fetching her over to stay at their house too? Staying alternately for a month or maybe a week. She fell down few months ago and had a surgery. The rest of the children said that after she discharged from the hospital, she will stay at each children house alternately but i guess they just say it with no actions, Actions speaks louder than words.

Currently, only my youngest aunt, 1st uncle and my family bring her over to our house to stay in. My grandma dotes on my youngest uncle the most but he didn't visit her in the hospital neither did he when she discharged. Sometimes I really don't like my grandmother but at time I feel bad for her. Having to take care of 8 children from young, but now none of them sincerely want to give out their room for her. Even though she is right beside us, we don't really spend time with her, chat with her. To be honest, I feel that the only person that treat her sincerely and the only person that is by her side is her maid. 

How I wish that I can turn back the time to 7,8 years ago where everything was peaceful, everyone live in harmony where everyone get together at my grandma house, when she is still a healthy elder and when she will still cook for her beloved grandchildren. The house is filled of laughter and joy. 

When I was still a naive child......